


time heals

by oatmealscent



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Blink and You'll Miss The Pain, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, rabin for days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23536639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oatmealscent/pseuds/oatmealscent
Summary: They know it would hurt but they didn't know it would hurt this much.
Relationships: Kim Wonshik | Ravi/Lee Hongbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	time heals

**Author's Note:**

> I just realize how much sasha sloan's dancing with your ghost resonates with this story. so uh, play it if you want to get your head more into this story ahah
> 
> p/s: i added some stuff so, uh, read again if you'd like to

Wonshik needs good sleep. He should be asleep right now. He can hear Hongbin nagging at the back of his mind telling him how normal people sleep at night and that Wonshik shouldn’t continue sleeping at 6 AM. Exhausted and he decides he can put the work to rest. It can wait. For once he listens to his body.

He taps at his phone to look at the time and it says 9 PM. But his attention was no longer on the time shown, it was on the photo wallpaper of his phone. He sets that photo as wallpaper during one of the nights he misses that particular person the most. The culprit is none other than Hongbin.

It was a picture on one of the nights when Wonshik drives Hongbin around the city with no particular destination in mind. Hongbin dropped by his studio to play with Eondongie until he started sneezing like crazy and that got Wonshik to panicked and looked all over his drawer for his boyfriend’s medication.

_“Hongbin! You should’ve stopped playing with him when your nose started to get itchy!” Wonshik said exasperatedly. Wonshik has some of Hongbin’s medication with him just in case. Just in case Hongbin decides it’s a good day to wake up and forget he has an allergy. Like how he always does._

_He wouldn’t stop fussing over Hongbin and Hongbin kept on laughing his heart out seeing Wonshik go all bananas worrying over him. Wonshik told him more than once to not play with Eondongie for too long because that will only trigger his allergy. Hongbin gets sick easily so it’s hard for Wonshik to not fret over him._

_After Hongbin took his medications, Wonshik grabbed his car keys and Hongbin’s hands. Hongbin didn’t question him. Well, he did but Wonshik knows better that he doesn’t bother much where Wonshik will take them both, so Wonshik didn’t give him a definite answer to where they’re going._

_Hongbin leaned his head on the window. Staring aimlessly at the night sky with a blank face. Then his attention drifted to the hand threading gently through his hair. He closes his eyes for a while and wakes up when he feels Wonshik gently shaking him awake._

_“Hm?” Hongbin groggily asked as he looked around. They’re somewhere uphill and no one could be seen walking around. “Is this where you tell me you're a part of some mafia group?”_

_“Maybe,” Wonshik said with a mischievous grin._

_“My Wonshik is an artist, rapper, CEO, and also a part of the mafia? Amusing.” Hongbin said as he stretched his body to wake up from the short nap._

_Wonshik didn’t say anything in return. He just stares lovingly at Hongbin’s face as he watches the latter nuzzling on his hand that threads through his soft hair. Wonshik couldn’t brush off the smile from his face as he stared into Hongbin’s doe eyes that reflected the moonlight._

_He turned on the heat of the car. Wouldn’t want to risk Hongbin catching a cold because when he catches a cold, it takes at least two weeks for it to go away. Hongbin will only notice he’s freezing when he starts sneezing. So, Wonshik takes the blanket he has in the backseat of his car and drapes it all over Hongbin._

_“I won’t get sick,” Hongbin said and decides to get himself comfortable._

_“Sure you won’t, Bean,” Wonshik said in return as he cards his fingers through Hongbin's hair once again. He leaned forward and kissed Hongbin breathless._

He couldn’t help but recall back to one of those nights. He smiles at the picture of Hongbin looking up at the night sky with a content smile on his face. He took it secretly and Hongbin only knew about it when the younger was scrolling through Wonshik’s phone gallery. He smiles at the memory and lets sleep take over.

* * *

He heard a knock on the door but he couldn’t be bothered enough to get off the couch. Then he heard Eondongie scratching the front door and barking. He didn’t want to wake up from the dream he was having. He didn’t want to wake up from a dream when Hongbin was in it. With a groan, Wonshik sits up and rubbed a hand over his face with a groan.

He took a long stride to the front door and glared at the culprit. The culprit probably thinks it’s a good idea to come knocking at his door as God knows what time it is already. “Hyung,” Wonshik deadpanned.

“Wonshik! I brought breakfast for- hey have you been sleeping like a decent human being?” said culprit, Jaehwan hyung, as he studies Wonshik’s swollen face. “Your eyebags are not as bad as it looks like before.”

“I slept at 9 PM or something last night,” Wonshik said as he serves Eondongie his breakfast and walks over to the coffee table where Jaehwan hyung serves their breakfast.

“Hyung is so proud of you!” Jaehwan said as he pinches Wonshik’s cheeks. Jaehwan meant that. It’s no secret how Wonshik is drowning himself in work but if any of them or his friends have time, they’ll check up on him just to make sure he breathes some fresh air and eats some decent food.

They talked about the schedule Jaehwan has in the evening and the musical Jaehwan just got a part in. He auditioned for Jekyll and Hyde and he got the main actor’s part. It’s one of the musicals Jaehwan has always wanted to do. He cannot stop talking about it. Few days after he auditioned, he couldn’t sit still and bite his nails. Worrying if he got the part or not.

Seeing his hyung happy makes Wonshik happy and less lonely. He’s aware that the people who care about him are keeping his health in check. He doesn’t take them for granted. Which is why he’s slowly trying to sleep on normal time. He decides that it would not hurt to have a small celebration just with the other members to celebrate Jaehwan getting a part in the musical and just to gather the members together.

* * *

_“You can’t just refuse to talk to me about what’s bothering you and expect me to understand you, Hongbin,” Wonshik said._

_Hongbin just stared ahead at the walls. He knows Wonshik is frustrated with him not talking about what’s wrong. But Hongbin can’t help it. Sometimes he gets sad for a few days for no absolute reason at all. He would not talk to anyone and the only time he would smile is when he’s in front of the camera._

_Sanghyuk sighed softly as he took a seat beside Hongbin on the sofa. “Hyung,” he said to gain the elder’s attention but Hongbin only kept his stare on the plain walls._

_“I don’t know what’s wrong. With anything. With me,” Hongbin said after a few moments of silence. “I know, I know there are always people that I can lean on but sometimes I don’t understand myself. I don’t get why I even have these moments where I just, I get sad.”_

_Wonshik’s heart softened when Hongbin spoke. He walked over and kneeled in front of the latter. “I’m sorry,” he said as he cupped Hongbin’s face and that made Hongbin look at Wonshik with tears in his eyes._

_“No. It’s not, not you, Shik. I’m sorry,” Hongbin said as he pulled away from Wonshik’s soft touch with a sob and covered his face with his hands as he tried to hide away from them._

_Sanghyuk pulled Hongbin in his arms and hushed him. Telling him it’s okay and that it’s normal to have moments like this. Wonshik in return can only hold Hongbin’s delicate and soft hands as he sat beside Hongbin. They let Hongbin cry until there are no more tears to be shed._

_Sanghyuk and Wonshik make sure that Hongbin knows he’s not alone and that they’ll always be there for him. Physically or not._

* * *

As Taekwoon was busy browsing through his Twitter, he saw a post about Hongbin. An adorable one. He hasn’t been much on any of his social media platforms lately. But to find something that could put a smile on his face is always a good thing.

It was a video of Hongbin swimming from a small island to another island with other two casts that Taekwoon can’t recognize. Hongbin looked so happy that he was able to swim without much problem. Thanks to Taekwoon’s patient teaching.

As soon as Hongbin got the news that he’ll be joining the crew of Law of The Jungle, the members couldn’t hide their worry and telling Hongbin it’s okay and it’s better if he declined to go. Hongbin’s body is one of the most fragile among the members, hence the worries and undeniable fretting from the members.

But Hongbin was dead set on joining. So the members did the best they can to help in any way they can. Taekwoon decides that it’s the perfect time for him to teach Hongbin how to swim. Hongbin declines his help but Taekwoon can also be pretty stubborn. The only reason why Hongbin declined is that Taekwoon and Wonshik have LR promotions in 2 months and he can’t have Taekwoon’s attention and energy on teaching him how to swim.

Taekwoon scrolled over his video gallery to look for one particular video. A smile quickly latched on his face as he clicked on the video.

_“Ah, hyung!” Hongbin screams frustratedly as he can’t keep floating like how Taekwoon has shown to him and demonstrated hundreds of times already. “I can’t stay afloat!” The younger said as he glared at his hyung with his doe eyes._

_“Hongbinnie, take a deep breath and try again,” Taekwoon patiently guides him as he records the younger one’s attempt to stay afloat once again. Taekwoon is torn in between making the younger keep on trying to stay afloat and helping him out in the pool. Hongbin is cute and Taekwoon really cannot miss this moment._

_“Hyung, it won’t work,” Hongbin said as he stopped trying to stay afloat. As he said that, Taekwoon turned his phone off and jumped inside the pool as he swam to his dongsaeng._

_“Like this, okay?” he said as he holds Hongbin’s body and tells him to breathe the way he taught him to. “You’re lucky I’m the one teaching you how to swim, Binnie.”_

_“Yeah, right,” The younger one said as he tried to focus on the lesson Taekwoon taught him._

Taekwoon cannot help the smile forming on his face as he watches the video and recalls the memory. Hongbin was too tired to walk back home and Taekwoon gave him a piggyback ride. Yes, Taekwoon carried Hongbin on his back for like five minutes until they reached their house.

He sent a text to Hongbin, saying that he misses him. He knows the younger one wouldn’t reply to his text because when did Hongbin ever reply to his text when Taekwoon tell him he misses the younger one? Probably once or twice. But the younger one did not reply to any of his texts lately. It feels weird. Or maybe Taekwoon missed him a little too much lately.

* * *

Sanghyuk has been practising for nearly 7 hours today and he decides it’s best to head home now. He’ll head home right after he settled the mess in the practice room. When he came back from his toilet break, he saw the person he’s been longing all day long. Hongbin. The reason why he came to practice even when he’s supposed to be at home, resting.

He leaned on the door and just stared at the person who’s too busy dancing to notice him. Sanghyuk wants to call out for him but he wants to see him dance just a little longer. Hongbin always managed to get into his head when he’s really in the mood for practice. Which is 75% of the time. Hongbin also contributes to the mischief that takes place in the practice room.

Just as he kept staring, he didn’t notice that his sight got blurry and the music had long stopped. Sanghyuk couldn’t be bothered to wipe the tears from his face. He shouldn’t be crying in front of his hyung. He promises that he won’t cry like this anymore so why is he crying so helplessly when the person he’s been longing is standing in front of him?

“Hyogi, why are you crying?” Hongbin asked as he walked closer to the younger. He can’t help but smile seeing Sanghyuk trying to form a smile just to not make him worry.

Sanghyuk’s only reply was a chuckle he managed in the middle of his sobs. “I just…” he said and wiped his tears from his face. But it keeps on falling. He needs to stop crying because Hongbin is here and he shouldn’t cry anymore.

“Hey,” Hongbin gently said as he pried Sanghyuk's hand from harshly wiping off the tears from his face. “It’s okay. I’m here now, right?”

“I just, I just missed you so much,” Sanghyuk said as more tears fell from his face, proving his failure to stop the tears.

Hongbin only managed a smile as he pulled the slightly bigger frame of Sanghyuk in his warm embrace. Hushing him and rubbing his back as the younger just cry in his arms. Even when he’s crying his heart out, he still manages to hug Hongbin tight. As if he’s afraid that Hongbin will be taken from him.

“It’s okay, I’ll be here as long as you need me,” Hongbin said and that only made the younger one pulled him into a more tight embrace if he can manage to hug Hongbin tighter than he already did.

Sanghyuk had so many things to say. To tell Hongbin but he is only able to cry.

* * *

Jaehwan woke up with a start. That was the third time this week. It was a dream again. He rubbed his face to get some sense in him. That it’s okay to have the same dream and feeling the urge to just bawl his eyes out. He’s still learning that it’s okay for him to have breakdowns because these are all a part of grieving.

Then his mind takes him back to those times when he was on the verge of giving up on being a singer. How Hongbin was one of the members that lifted his spirits. How Hongbin always seems to be there for the members when they’re having a hard time. Lending a shoulder or help without asking for anything in return.

There are some days that Jaehwan went to the practice room without any aim of what to do. But he doesn’t feel like dancing. He doesn’t feel like singing. Hongbin left. He felt numb. What is left of Jaehwan now? What is left of him? What can he do? What is the left to do when his friend is _gone_?

He hugged his knees and cried. Crying is the only thing that he knows what to do. He knows that there’s no fixing this. You can’t _love_ people back to life. You can’t. But what can he do just to have Hongbin with him again? Just to have Hongbin back? He can’t do anything. He sobbed and sobbed.

Then he felt a cold brush of air on his head. He looked up and there he was. Hongbin sitting on his bed and smiling at him. But, why did Binnie look sad? He reached a hand slowly to hold the younger’s cheek. He gently caressed the younger’s cheek.

“Why do you look so sad?” Jaehwan asked.

“You’re crying. Because of me,” Hongbin said meekly.

Jaehwan hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks with the sleeves of his sweater. “I’m not!” He said as if to prove a point that he didn’t cry because of Hongbin.

“It’s okay to cry, hyung. If it helps, then cry as much as you want to,” Hongbin said with a sad smile.

Hearing that, Jaehwan pulled his hand back and hugged his knees. He knows this is not real and god, how can it not be real? How can it be so cruel? “Hyung missed you so much, Kong,” he sobbed. “I miss you and I can’t stop crying. I don't know how to stop. I keep on missing you.” He looked up to Hongbin and said, "I don't know how to let you go. I _don't_ want to."

“I know, hyung. I know,” Hongbin said as he hugged and helped Jaehwan to bed again. “I’m sorry everything happened too fast.”

That was the last thing he heard from Hongbin as he fell asleep. He didn’t dream for the first time in months. He didn’t wake up with a start. He knows he’s reaching the last stage of grieve now. He woke up with a small smile painted on his face. He'll get through this. He knows. He's not sure how long but he'll get through this.

* * *

Hakyeon was on his way home from work when he changed the destination. As he reached the place, he walked straight away to his friend’s house. He took a deep breath before pressing the doorbell. The host opened the door and welcomed Hakyeon inside.

“Hey,” Minhyuk gave him a warm smile and told him to make himself at home. Minhyuk asked if he’s staying and Hakyeon just shrugged an answer but he still told Hakyeon to change his clothes while he prepares them a drink.

While Hakyeon was changing into one of Minhyuk’s clothes, Minhyuk asked if he’s in the mood for alcohol or tea. He asked for tea instead even though alcohol seems to be a tempting choice as of now. But he doesn’t need the headache tomorrow.

As they had settled down on the sofa, they talked about work. How their day had been going on. Then Hakyeon was staring off into space.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, we can just watch a movie instead?” Minhyuk suggests and Hakyeon just politely agrees to that. They settled down on a movie that they both agreed on. After a while, Hakyeon couldn’t seem to focus on the tv screen anymore. His mind was somewhere else.

“He’s my baby brother,” Hakyeon said as he stared at the coffee table in front of him. “And I…” he couldn’t continue because he’s going to bawl his eyes out at this point.

Minhyuk said nothing as he reached out Hakyeon’s hand and gently rubbed it. Hakyeon takes it as an encouragement to keep on talking.

“It felt like everything happened too fast. Like the rug was pulled from under my feet. But instead of falling, I feel like I’m stuck. I’m stuck like this and I keep believing he’s still around. He’s still here with us,” Hakyeon said as he felt his eyes burn. Oh, how it burns.

“Sometimes I feel like he’s still here. If I’m lucky, I’d see him, still here doing God knows what he would probably be doing. But sometimes, if I get lucky enough, I’d dream of him,” Hakyeon said brokenly. “I’d dream of him in all his glory. Smiling as if the stars revolve around him. He shines so brightly, Minhyuk. I wish that the dreams were real. I _want_ it to be real. Some days, I wish I'd never wake up from the dream.”

“I know it’s hard for everyone close to him. I know the others are coping. I know Wonshik’s pain is more than he let on. Taekwoon still texts Hongbin even when he knows he will not get a reply from him. He would not get a reply from Hongbin, ever. But he still texts him. Jaehwan cries when there are no words left to say for him. Hyogi said he saw Hongbin sometimes. And I, I don’t know what to do. The kids are falling apart and I am too.” this time Hakyeon said it all in a ragged breath. He felt Minhyuk tighten the hold on his hands.

“But he’s my baby brother. How can he do this to me? How can he leave me like this? How can he do this to us? I didn’t get to say goodbye. I never get to say goodbye. I never get to hug him one last time,” he said. The moment he looked into Minhyuk eyes, he just broke down, sobbing in as MInhyuk pulled him in his arms. "Why did Hongbinnie have to leave us too soon? Why did they take my baby away?" he asked even when knowing there's no answer to that.

“It was an accident, Hakyeon. You know that. You’ve been in denial for too long. You need to stop denying the fact that he had already left us,” Minhyuk said as he too cried with Hakyeon. Hongbin was a good kid. Everyone who has met him will have a soft spot for him in their heart. His loss was hard for the people who loved him to deal with. It's hard and there's nothing that can fill the void Hongbin has left.

* * *

Wonshik woke up and he just stared at the ceiling. Wishing that time passes by fast. Wishing that everything goes by fast. Then his hand went for his phone. Unlocking the screen and going through the same photo album again. His muscles remember it all by memory now. He smiles at each picture. He laughed until he couldn't see clearly anymore. And, he breaks. For the first time since the day he received the call, he let himself break. He cried so hard he could hardly breathe. It physically hurts him.

He felt a hand rubbing his back. He knows it’s him. And Wonshik let Hongbin pull him into his arms. Letting himself be consoled by someone who’s just a soul now.

“I miss you. I miss hearing you bursting out laughing. God, I miss hearing your laughter,” Wonshik said as he tries to smile through his tears. “You were always there at my lowest point in life. You were always there to get me back on track. Making sure I never stray too far," he managed with ragged breaths.

“I wish I could’ve held you longer in my arms. I wish I had the time in the world to hold you in my arms. Just for one minute. I pray every day, God, I pray that God can lend you back on earth just for one minute. That’s all I ask for. Just one minute just for me to have you back in my arms. One minute for me to hold my whole world again. Just one minute. Just one. This is just too much,” Wonshik sobbed.

“I’m here now and you have more than one minute to hold me,” Hongbin said with a sad smile as he rubs Wonshik’s back.

“When I received that call, that you died, my world fell apart. My whole fucking world just falls apart. Remember...remember when you told me that, that when someone we love dies, they take a piece of us with them? You said it’ll take time to heal from the loss of someone we love? Remember when you told me that?” Wonshik asked as he pulled away from the hug to look at Hongbin in his eyes.

“Bean, you didn’t take a piece of me with you. Not even pieces of me. You take my _whole_ being. You didn’t take a piece of me or pieces of me. You take _everything_ of me with you and there’s nothing left. I’m so fucking empty and I don’t know how to do this anymore. I’m not asking for it back because you...because you’re my whole world and I just want you _here_ , alive, with me,” Wonshik said miserably.

“And I wish there’s a way for everything to just stop hurting. They said time heals but why won't I heal? Why can’t it heal this stupid pain? Why won’t my mind heal? Why did you have to go? Why you? Why won’t you come back to me? Everyone misses you. They do. Can’t you come back to us? Can’t you come back to me? We can talk for days again. We can do everything again. I promise I’ll make time for you. It can’t be like the old days but I promise you, I’ll make time for you. Just...just come back. Come back to us. Come back to me. Come back, _please_ , Hongbin, come back. I want you to come back. Just, please! Why won’t you come back?” Wonshik begged as he gasps for air. He cannot stop sobbing.

Hongbin helped him breathe. Like he always did back then. He hushed Wonshik back to sleep. He held back his tears because he needs to be the one strong enough to hold the person he loves more than anything in the world. He can’t keep coming back and sees them so broken because of him. It’s killing him too.

“We’re soulmates, right?” Wonshik asked him. He felt Hongbin nod. "So, why can't you come back? I need you."

“We’ll always be soulmates, Wonshik. You’ll always carry me with you in your heart and mind. All of you,” Hongbin said as a tear fell down his cheek. “Things will _never_ be the same but you guys will be okay.” Then he kissed him for the very last time. As Wonshik closes his eyes, he knows Hongbin is gone.

* * *

It was a sunny day. Hakyeon said it would be a good idea for the five of them to visit Hongbin’s grave today. They all agreed to meet. They sat around his graveyard, smiling meekly. Some tears are shed. They talked about how Hongbin came to them. Thinking that it was just one of the weirdest parts of coping. But it helps.

Hongbin was important to them and he will _always_ be important to them. He left too soon. Taken away too soon from them. But he’ll live in their heart and mind. As he has always been. They have a long way to go. They will be okay. With time, they will be okay.

A familiar person watches them from afar and Wonshik was the only one that noticed him. He didn't come closer to them. He's just standing under the big tree. Looking at them with a smile. The familiar person smiled at him when they noticed someone was looking at them.

It's Hongbin.

His Hongbin smiling so beautifully under the bright sunlight. He shyly smiles at Wonshik. It was as if he's asking permission to go and Wonshik manages a smile, telling him it’s okay. For the last time, Hongbin nods with a smile and walks away. As he looked at the love of his life walking away, a warm wind blew and Wonshik looked at the rest of his friends. His family. He knows they can heal from this. With time. There's no telling how long it's going to be to heal but they'll be okay. As long as they're together.

For the first time in a very long time, Wonshik smiles. He knows now why good things come to an end. But it's not an end for him and Hongbin. He'll carry him in his heart wherever he goes.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you for reading!
> 
> Leave kudos or comments,,,,aha,,,,,,you're so sexy


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